It has come to my attention that our rival paper "The Daily Goat" has been slandering our good name. Their first attempt was to tell the world that I, David Funk, pee my own pants. This could not be further from the truth. (please see previous post...). Second, and more importantly, TDG seems to think that making us out to be penguin haters is the right thing to do. We here at Grape Street love our penguins.
Whats that? ...Prove it? All you need to do is drive by Grape Street's own Christmas Village do see Carlos and Steve sledding down the roof waving at all the good people of Manayunk. (Editors note: If penguins appear deflated they are sleeping, not dead.) Feel free to also say hello to the reindeer on the roof.
Now, lets look into this story deeper. If something were to happen to the beloved penguins of Grape Street, who would be the culprit? Here is some food for thought... How many times have you seen a goat and a penguin hanging out together. Zero? Thats what I thought. It is a widely known fact that goats and penguins are not fond of one another. This is why they usually live so far apart. So, could this be the work of TDG in a feeble attempt at generating a false accusation that we hate our own penguins? I would not put it past them. It would be a reasonable objective for a paper who has the sole goal of slandering others in an attempt to make goats and the second mile foundation look good.
So, who do you think would kill our two penguins. The stand of men of The Pulitzer Prize winning Grapevine, or the slanderous ink thugs of The Daily Goat? You be the judge America.
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